In Dear Diary, Writing

Journal: On Being 30

How I feel different after turning 30.

Something very strange happened to me when I turned 30. I notice things like backing off from certain friendships happening, or even cutting them off completely. Just really starting to prioritize my time better. It’s kind of refreshing to have this total sense of if this doesn’t bring me joy it doesn’t need to be present in my life type of feeling.

I am a true believer that if someone feels toxic to you or the relationship feels toxic to let it go. I’ve always have is really guilty mind side I’ve always seen the better people but recently I just want to see the better myself and it’s so freeing!

My entire life from childhood has felt like I have needed to take care of somebody else before myself. Dealing with my mom’s addiction and my brothers addiction, and constantly feeling like I needed to be the mediator when I lived with my family in a large house about 18 of us at one given time. There is always fighting arguments people coming people going my mom leaving for weeks at a time my brother relapsing my mom relapsing around being clean. everything. Everything was changing all the time and I had to keep adapting.

And then my grandpa passed away when I was in high school and that really took a toll on my dad. And the same year that my brother passed away, my grandma on my dads side passed away so I felt like I really needed to be there for my dad as much as possible.

I’ve always felt like I really had to pick up all the pieces, and my pieces just sat there, untouched.

Turning 30 feels different for me. I feel like a pile of pieces back together and I don’t want anyone touching my masterpiece. It’s truly a great feeling to be taking care of myself for once. Obviously I always want to be there for my family but now, more than ever, it feels like it’s time for me!

Does anyone else feel that way or have a moment where things finally felt different? How did you feel turning 30, if you are 30+?

I’d love to hear your stories in the comments ❤️

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Jag Lever

I love blogging, fashion, cooking, my cats and coffee.

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