Knowing that I am leaving the four-walled space that I have nested in over the past year on February first stirs lots of emotion. At first when the call to not renew the lease was made I cried. At that moment I couldn’t figure out why I was upset. I now know it’s because I have moved nearly every year for the past eight years and I have lived in around 11 places. Some years I have moved more than once.
I am exhausted from wrapping the same knick-knacks and hauling them off to somewhere else, to unpack them for months just to put them all back in a box.
On the other hand, a new apartment is always dreamy. It’s fresh, exciting… a new start. Most importantly I must find a place with more space for my clothing. I have had so many frustrated moments trying to find one thing for a look and end up tearing through four laundry baskets full of wrinkled clothing to be left frustrated, full of loss and with a mess to clean.
Today my management company painted my door black as well as most of the hallway without warning. Of course I opened my door to leave grabbing it with my arm covering my favorite coat in black paint. Between that and two other events regarding my apartment that happened within the past 24 hours, I again broke down and cried.
But this time, deep down, I think these are tears of joy.